Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
