would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
