you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
