I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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