All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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