I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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