I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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