Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
