If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
