New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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