I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
