before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
