Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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