Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
