im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
