We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
