I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
