ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
