Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
420 ftw
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
