Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
