I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
