I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
