guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
