dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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