My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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