whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
