I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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