I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
