you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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