If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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