The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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