If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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