I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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