You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your tits are I can't wait for
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
