I wish i was in the wii world.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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