if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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