Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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