I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
