Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
