it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
