"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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