Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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