gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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