It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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