Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
