I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
