if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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