I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
