She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
