I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
