The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
